Overview

 I need a little break from just swimming through memories.  So today I'm just going to be going wherever my mind takes me.  I'll probably start writing more specific memories some more tomorrow.  But I imagine I will run out of memories soon and can then continue on to my present and hopefully future. :)

Let me give you some background about my family.
I have three brothers and three sisters. My dad was a professor at Brigham Young University.  My mom was a stay at home mom.  I am the youngest and we're all about three years apart.  In my family, straight A's was expected.  My mom cooked breakfast every school-day.  Some form of hot cereal two days, eggs another two days, and something good one day every week (good being pancakes, waffles, french toast, crepes, etc.).  She would pack a lunch for all seven kids and my dad.  Lunch always had a fruit, a sandwich, a cookie and a drink.  She made dinner every night, seven days a week.  I don't know how she did it.  I know she did the laundry as well and cleaned up after us.  She is amazing.  She is loving and hard working and beautiful.  I can only hope to be as amazing of a mom as she is.
We had company over often (I think, my memories aren't so good).  We had family home evening every Monday night (which is where everyone gets together and we have a lesson, some music, maybe a game).  Scripture study every morning before breakfast.  Family prayer before going to bed.  Cleaning day was Saturday, the house got cleaned every Saturday, and we rotated doing dishes every night.  My dad would drop the high school kids off to school on his way to work.  Come home around five or six every night, Monday through Friday.  We went to church every Sunday.  My dad was the first or second counselor in my ward when he was arrested.  I know that my dad had served as a pastor at one time  before that for a while.  
Our family life, to all appearances, was the picture, perfect, family.  Disciplined, but fun, looked like a safe environment.  Religious.  For me, everything was easily ignored during the day.  You'd think I'd have a horrible relationship with my dad.  But I didn't.  I talked to him.  Played games with him.  Sometimes go to him for advice or help with my homework.  He was two people: my dad and my "father" whom I did not know or like.  While writing this blog I've noticed, I refer to him as my dad when my memories are more fond, or not bad.  But when they are bad, he's my father.  I'm not close to him.  They were different people in my mind.  The only way to function, to live my life and not go insane (mostly).
 We lived in Provo, UT.  When he got arrested, there is so little news there, it made the front page.  The next Sunday when I went to church.  Everyone ignored it.  It's uncomfortable.  I understand it's difficult.  What do you say?  I couldn't answer that.  But I can tell you one thing that someone said that was exactly what I needed and I didn't even know it.  The pastor's wife was my sunday school teacher at the time.  When I went to her class after the first hour's meeting what she said to me, helped me so much.  What she said was something along the lines of 'Elise, I want you to know that we love you.'  That's all.  She may have said something more, but I don't think so. I'm not sure, it wasn't much, but it was what I needed.  Maybe two sentences total.  But she told me that I was loved.  I knew what she said was in reference to what had come out.  Uncomfortable situations.
I had a conversation with my sister just the other night.   She was talking about something similar.  How people don't know what to say, so they just ignore it.  I want people to know, that making an effort to say something, anything, means 100x more than just ignoring it.  Anyone going through anything horrible, needs the validation, the love.  We CAN'T ignore it.. As much as we may try, it's on our minds.  Talking to her, she's told me how she now reaches out when people are going through something.  Tells them she knows they're going through something rough.  Tells them she loves them.  She said sometimes she probably says the wrong thing.  But I believe it's better than nothing.  Don't be mean, be sensitive, but don't ignore it.  After my father's arrest.  There were the people that ignored it and the people that helped.  Some only brought dinner over.  But it meant the world to my mom and others in my family.  At that point, talking with my mom, and again the other day, talking with my sister, I pointed out that the people who reached out, have most likely gone through something similar.  My mom and sister agreed, then and now.  It took me years after my father's arrest before I realized I was not alone.  Everyone else isn't living in some perfect little world that I am not longer a part of.  They had just learned to find the good in this world better than I had.  I still need to do better to see the good.  But I've come a long way since then.
Sorry, I think today's post is a little rambly.